


Lacrymosa

by Jenshih_Blue



Series: Open the Door ~ A Modern Day Fairy Tale in 13 Parts [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 17:49:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10443585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenshih_Blue/pseuds/Jenshih_Blue





	

That first night Sam had dreamt of yellow eyes that burned with fury and bitterness. He had woke in Dean’s arms shivering as the first hint of dawn tinged the edge of the eastern sky with pastel watercolors. His body ached with the pain of what he’d been through and his heart ached with the pain of what was about to come. Lying there next to Dean, so close he could count the freckles along the bridge of his nose, he wondered what he was going to do if he couldn’t save Dean.

 

So much had changed in the past 72 hours that he felt as if he were drowning. He was the last of his generation of the special children, the demon was dead, their father freed from hell, and the war was about to begin. A war that every religion through time had spoken of in hushed and awed tones—the Apocalypse. The thing was, though, was that he didn’t care about the world. He cared about his brother, the man he had loved for as long as he could remember.

****

“What is it, Sam?”

 

He blinked and shifted back to his side, his eyes meeting Dean’s sleepy gaze, “Nothing.” He whispered as Dean’s hand lifted to stroke through his tangled hair.

 

Dean shook his head and his lips twitched as he tried to keep from laughing. “You know, you’re the worst liar ever, dude.”

 

“Am I?” Sam leaned into Dean, burrowing his face into the curve where his neck and his shoulder joined. “I remember you telling some whoppers yourself.” His voice was muffled as he spoke, trying not to let the pain of reality settle in.

 

“Yeah, well,” Dean chuckled, his fingers continuing to thread through Sam’s hair in a soothing rhythm as silence settled around them. A few minutes passed as they just lay there in one another’s arms and then Dean spoke again. “Sam, you know you don’t have to stay.”

 

As he lifted his head, Sam’s eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed in a mix of anger and confusion. “What the hell are you talking about, Dean?” Yeah, he asked the question, but he knew what the answer was before Dean’s lips even parted. His brother could be an ass at the most inopportune times.

 

“You don’t have to feel guilty,” Dean started, his lashes lowering to shadow his eyes, “You’re free to do what you want and nothing can hold you back now.”

 

Sam pulled himself away from Dean’s embrace, swung his legs over the edge of the mattress, and just sat there. He tried to process all that anger and bitterness that rose in his throat, but it refused to be processed. Bobby had told him the night before that Dean had issues, that the reason he’d done the deal was that he loved him, but he didn’t believe he belonged here either. Sam hadn’t understood last night, but now he did.  Inhaling deeply, he stood and moved to the window, not caring that he was naked in the least. His heart ached with the realization he’d finally come upon.

 

“Sam?”

 

He sucked in another ragged breath and ran his hands through his hair, stretching until he could hear his back crack. “Is that what you really want, Dean?” His words came out in a harsh whisper.  “Do you want me to leave you alone?  Or do you think that’s what I want?” Behind him, he could hear Dean shifting on the mattress, “Because I’m telling you right now that it’s not what I want.”

 

“Sam…”

 

Dean’s voice held a hint of warning, but it didn’t matter to him. He was finished playing games with his brother and he was tired of being the only Winchester who had no desire to hunt or so his family had told him on a number of occasions. He couldn’t deal with that self-righteous shit anymore, not after last light.  Not after everything, they’d been through so damn much, and especially not after how Dean had touched him last night.

 

“Don’t, Dean,” His throat tightened, “Don’t start this shit again. I’m not leaving you,” he turned back to face Dean. “I’m not leaving and neither are you.”

 

A soft snort exploded from Dean as he pushed up, leaning against the head of the bed, his arms folded behind his head.  “I think a certain little demon slut has something to say about that.”

 

Sam sighed as he moved across the room to where his duffle sat, his shoulders slumped, and he pulled out clean clothes. “Yeah, well I’ll find a way to…”

 

“Sam.”

 

His brother’s tone filled with resignation and frustration in the same breath and it all made Sam cringe. Last night he’d meant exactly what he’d said. Dean had always been the one who took care of him, sacrificed for him and protected him from the moment he could walk. It was for that exact reason that he refused to leave Dean in what he considered his brother’s time of need. He owed him more than that. Even if he didn’t owe Dean for the protection and care that he’d given, he loved him as he’d never loved anyone else in his life. Not even Jess had captured his heart and his soul like Dean had.

 

“Sam?”

 

He tugged his jeans on and gritted his teeth against the now plaintive tone he heard in Dean’s voice. There was no way he could ever turn his back on his brother, never again, and Dean had to believe that or they would never survive the war that was coming. With a growl, he pulled on his tee shirt and turned meeting Dean’s eyes with a determination he didn’t really feel, although he needed to convince his brother he had no doubts. What Dean saw in the dark depths of Sam’s eyes caused the muscle to jump in his jaw as he clenched his teeth, biting back any further comment.

 

“What is it you don’t understand, Dean?” Sam inhaled sharply through his nose as he ran one trembling hand through his tangled hair. “I don’t understand what I have to do to make you understand the truth.”

 

Dean licked his lips nervously and sighed, “The truth?”

 

Crossing the room Sam knelt on the edge of the mattress, crawling down Dean’s body until they were eye to eye.  They studied one another for a heartbeat and then Sam leaned in capturing Dean’s mouth with his own, one hand sliding up his shoulder, to his neck, and back to cup his head. As he pulled away, Dean’s lower lip between his teeth marking him, he smiled and released it. “I love you, Dean. Always have and I can’t imagine living without you.”

 

Dean turned his cheek into Sam’s touch, and his eyes drifted shut. He swallowed hard and pressed a light kiss to the calloused skin of his palm. “Then you know how I feel.”

 

Tears welled in Sam’s eyes as he pressed Dean down into the tangle of the blankets, claiming his mouth once more. This time he forced every doubt he had in his mind to flee as he kissed Dean as if it were the first time all over again. The taste of his mouth was intoxicating and sweeter than any ambrosia and he couldn’t live without that taste. Even in his darkest moments, the taste followed him, a faint memory of a love that could never be lived, one without the other.

 

“I can’t let you go…or blame you for any of this. Forgive me, Dean, but I just can’t.”

 


End file.
